At the very least, for my own amusement

If anyone actually comes across my blog, it's mostly here because I concentrate better when I get all of the random thoughts out of my head... and because I noticed that my other blogging site has already lost all the comments that my 100 or so blogs had attached to them. I'm hoping for a more permanent site to ramble in, hopefully this can be that site.  Anyway...


I've been sifting through the bursts of thought floating around up there, trying to decide which ones I'd like to put on paper and which ones I've outgrown.  I'm surprised at how many fall into the latter category.  For a time, after my first husband left, the blogs I wrote were all about self-discovery and making it on my own.  I was convinced that any story I wrote had to be about women empowerment, the joy they can find on their own and how a woman doesn't need a man.

Those things are all still true for many people, but they do not reflect the lifestyle I have currently (and happily) chosen.  The wonderful man I am married to makes my world so rose-colored that right now I could probably only write some cliche "How-To" books on finding the perfect person to share your life with. Maybe after we go through some more life events, such as having kids (in... 8 years?), my writing style will be a little bit more balanced and project less of a "life is perfect" vibe.

Still, it makes me happy to read some of my old blogs from a past relationship and then compare them with the way I feel now.  Meeting the right person has made all the difference.

***
Old blog- a copy of "Pretty Things" by Rufus Wainwright, which summed up my feelings for an ex boyfriend:

Pretty things, so what if I like pretty things
Pretty lies, so what if I like pretty lies
From where you are, to where I am now
I need these pretty things, around the planets of our phase
Everything's a sign of my astrology
From where you are, to where I am now
Is its own galaxy
Be a star and fall down somewhere next to me
And make it past your color TV
This time will pass and with it will me
And all these pretty things
Don't say you don't notice them

And also this old blog that I wrote in frustration when I realized I wasn't the type of girl my ex boyfriend wanted...

Style

Look at this, at her, she did this.
No, she's here-right here... see?

Wait, let's get her some more glitter.
Still can't see her?  Well... she sings.

That note was yours.  Her heart was in it.
Oh, you were humming?  To the top.

Yeah, you're right, it's boring.  Change it.
Maybe if she weren't standing so still.

Get her a motorcycle.  Rollercoaster.  Spaceship?
Yes, right there.  That's her!  I told you.

You took her picture?  You're right, that's art.
Wait... that isn't her at all.

And now?  Here are some tidbits from my journal from the past few months with my new husband...

...I feel caught in some kind of wonderful whirlwind, something that you want to be caught up in.  It’s never been quite like this before.  I wish I could remember every single detail, because every single detail is worth remembering.  I can’t even really say how we suddenly morphed into a couple from just a couple people hanging out, but somehow we did and it is amazing...


 ...I told Edward yesterday that I’m constantly surprised by how much there is to him.  It’s true.  He’s always trying to find the deeper meaning behind things, always wanting to know what’s really on people’s minds, always looking for answers in everything he sees and watches.  Plus, he just has this nice, optimistic spirit...

***
I can't find entries that explain it well enough... it's the little things, really. If I get up to find my phone, he meets me with it in his hand before I even mention it.  When I told him I was disappointed that I didn't reach my goal of writing a book and making a cd by the age of 21, he wrote those goals down for the new age of 30 on our board in the kitchen.  He has shared his life and interests with me, is writing a book with me, has been there for me throughout my mom's battle with cancer and even helped me fight the battles against myself.  Edward is peace, and my tired mind is so grateful-both to him and to our wonderful God for giving him to me.

I've been happy alone, unhappy alone, miserable with someone and now am blissfully happy with someone.  Bottom line is, I'm happy and I wanted to write about it.  I might not be able to do more than babble sweet nothings now, but this is the mood I'm in. That's what's on my mind today.